No Cure for the Paladin Blues
''The Order of the Stick: No Cure for the Paladin Blues ''is the second volume of the Order of the Stick, and includes their adventures from #122-300, with the first comic being dated in 21 November 2004. The title is a pun on the refrain from the 1958 hit single by Eddie Cochran, Summertime Blues. The Order embarks on a sidequest for starmetal, meet a zealous paladin, and arrives into Azure City, in a unconventional way. For the list of comics in this book and their pages, please click here. Plot The Village Idiots A small town readies itself for the arrival of adventures, the Order of the Stick. Settling into an inn, they level up and Elan considers multiclassing to wizard. Vaarsuvius criticizes him harshly for the choice, but later is urged by Haley to apologize. Haley helps the Order divide up Xykon's loot, but swindles the most money with a simple trick. Each of the members gain a useful magical item, except for Roy, who receives a Bag of Tricks. Haley is revealed to be hoarding up gold to ransom her father from Tyrinaria. Respectively, the Order explores the town -- Belkar multiclasses to Barbarian, V purchases potions at a severe discount, Elan attempts to reinstate Banjo into the Northern Pantheon, Durkon fails to procure suitable armor, and Roy is informed by a blacksmith that his broken sword requires a mythical substance called Starmetal to be reforged. The starmetal is located in the depths of the Wooden Forest. Unable to purchase another weapon, he manages to persuade the Order to come along despite their contracts having ended at Xykon's (presumed) death. After they depart, the blacksmith turns out to be a disguised Sabine, who is in town with Nale and Thog to search for new recruits for the Linear Guild. Redcloak, carrying Xykon in his phylactery, travels with the Monster in the Darkness and several Demon Cockroaches onto the surface. Despite the goblin's reluctance, he manages to receive control over a squadron of Hobgoblins after killing their supposed Supreme Leader. The Bandits Entering the Wooden Forest, the Order is ambushed by a group of bandits, who manage to kidnap Elan. Regarding Elan as a nuisance and a load, Roy decides to continue looking for the starmetal while the rest of the Order attempt to rescue the bard. Meanwhile, Elan overhears the leader of the bandit clan, Samantha, purposely kidnapping attractive men for herself, so he sneaks back with flowers and chocolate to woo her. Haley, V, and Belkar sneak into the camp, leaving Durkon outside for emergencies, but they are discovered and captured by Samantha's Father. Having lost his leadership to his daughter, they stumble upon Elan and Samantha making out -- much to Haley's outrage. Elan accidentally confesses to purposely seducing Samantha, to which she proceeds to defeat the Order in combat. Roy waits for his father, Eugene, to congratulate him on Xykon's death -- realizing he had chosen to be a Fighter to help the helpless, not for personal gain, he has a change of heart and goes back to rescue Elan. The ensuing battle has Roy saving Haley, V, Belkar, and Elan from being hanged, but he is defeated by Samantha's Father and the others are barely vanquished by Samantha. Seizing the opportunity, Samantha's Father knocks his daughter out and reclaims leadership of the bandit clan. Durkon, however, manages to defeat him and receives the leadership. He restores the Order, disbands the clan, and Roy decides to leaves Samantha and her father alone in the woods as a solution. A distressed Elan questions Roy of his abandonment, but Haley covers up for Roy. The Order continues further into the forest, unaware they are being pursued by a zealous hooded warrior on horseback. Lizard Noises During a swamp fight V is polymorphed into a lizard. Soon, the Order encounters a young black dragon in its lair, the guardian of the starmetal. Despite V's restraints, V still manages to defeat the dragon by using Suggestion. After changing back, V proceeds to Disintegrate the dragon, but notes that it is only an adolescent and the adult dragon is not present. Stashing up on its treasure, Roy retrieves a laughably-small piece of starmetal for his efforts. The hooded warrior discovers Samantha and her father in the woods. Asking them for assistance to hunt down the Order, Samantha quickly tries to establish control by enslaving the warrior -- only to be bisected in half in response. The warrior also slays Samantha's Father, leaving both dead in the middle of the forest. Villification Team Evil, with their newly-recruited squad of hobgoblins, makes their way to a spare tower of Xykon's. Redcloak callously sacrifices hobgoblins to clear the tower's defenses and Xykon finally regains back his body. The Team clears out the Good-aligned monsters that have spawned in the tower, including a silver dragon, and reclaim Serini Toormuck's diary. Her diary details the adventures of her adventuring party, the Order of the Scribble, as well as the coordinates of the other Gates that could potentially be used to take over the world. As they began their preparations, they discover their their hobgoblin squad is one of many -- in fact, they have control over all of the hobgoblin legions in the valley. Turning Points The Order, commenting on their new Art upgrades, decide to return to town to cash in their loot. A sudden storm halts them in their paths, dramatically revealing the hooded warrior. The warrior charges them of crimes of the universe, and proceeds to battle Roy when the Order does not immediately acquit to his accusations. He is able to stave off Belkar with the help of his horse, entrap V, and daze Haley, but his hood falls off -- he is revealed to be a woman. She relentlessly beats back Roy and stabs him with Smite Evil. Roy is unaffected and Durkon explains the situation -- Roy is Detected to be Evil by her, a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard, because of Xykon's crown around his neck. Durkon interprets the storm as Thor's message that the paladin is truly Good-aligned. Roy is immediately attracted to her and the Order very reluctantly agrees to travel with the paladin, who is named Miko Miyazaki, to meet her Lord Shojo of Azure City to answer the accusations of weakening the fabric of the universe. Encountering a peasant woman on the road, the Order and Miko agree to rescue her husband from a tribe of ogres. After defeating the ogres and returning the husband, Miko and Roy begin to butt heads over her control of them as supposed prisoners. Inn and Out Needing a well-deserved rest, the Order and Miko check into the Weary Travelers Inn and Tavern along with a pair of The Assassins. Roy is mistaken by the hotel staff to be the King of Nowhere, but uses the opportunity to treat himself and the Order in luxury. Meanwhile, Belkar manages to sue Miko for her liberal use of Detect Evil with Mr. Jones. Windstriker attempts to have a restraining order for Belkar with Mr. Rodriguez, but Belkar decides to try killing the lawyer instead due to being Chaotic. The Assassins, consisted of a human Shadowdancer and a dwarf named Redaxe, plot to kill the King of Nowhere -- mistaken to be Roy. They trap Roy and Elan into a closet; Elan presents the Girdle of Feminity/Masculinity as a solution to escape. Roy reluctantly dons the girdle after Elan is shot with poisoned shurikens. Convinced, Redaxe asks a female Roy to go into his room later. Enduring a series of jokes from Haley, Roy takes Haley and V to route out the Assassins while Elan and Durkon are to find Miko and evacuate the civilians. Redaxe threatens to blow up the inn with a barrel of explosives, but Roy prevents him by reminding him of the innocent lives inside -- before the Assasins can surrender, however, Belkar accidentally ignites the barrel. All of the civilians manage to escape but Haley's loot is destroyed. Stunned, dawn breaks with Haley bursting into cryptograms from the shock. To V's displeasure, Miko remains alive from the explosion. Durkon removes the Girdle from Roy and changes him back to a man. Miko berates the Order for their reckless actions. Roy apologizes to her, and then gives her a scathing speech of her treatment of his comrades. They agree to diverge from Miko's path, but she defeats them in battle once more and drags them to Azure City in chains. A Linear Plot Almost complete with their recruits, Nale, Sabine, and Thog go to Warthog's School of Wizardry and Sorcery to find an Evil Counterpart for Vaarsuvius. They take in Pompey, a half-elf wizard. Nale also discovers Roy's younger sister, Julia Greenhilt, attends the school, and kidnaps her as bait to lure the Order to Cliffport. Trial or Error? Currently imprisoned in anti-magic cells, the Order is escorted by Hinjo and Miko to the throne room for their trial. Belkar, confined in a separate cell, kills a guard to escapes and leaves a message for Miko to hunt him down. The other members of the Order is introduced to Lord Shojo, a senile old man that consults advice from his cat, Mr. Scruffy. The Azure City clerics have also summoned a Being of Law and Good to render judgement. The Lawyers return as the prosecuting side, and Celia unexpectedly arrives to assist the Order's case as a favor for depetrifying her. Meanwhile, Belkar and Miko engage in a cat-and-mouse game, with the former setting up traps and stealthy attacks on the latter. The Order are subject to many witnesses confirming their destruction of the Dungeon of Dorukan. Celia reminds Shojo that it does not support their charge of weakening the universe, to which Shojo decides to tell the Secret Forbidden Lore of the Sapphire Guard to ensure a fair trial. The beginning of the universe saw the gods divided into four pantheons; the Northern Pantheon, the Southern Pantheon, the Western Pantheon, and the Eastern Pantheon -- the last which is currently nonexistent. Tugging on the strands of reality in their squabbles to construct their world, they did not notice a Snarl developing from the the strands. The Snarl becomes malevolent and attacks the Eastern Pantheon, permanently killing them, and undoes the first world in twenty-seven minutes. It devours each living soul, ensuring there was no afterlife. The three remaining pantheons manage to imprison the Snarl into a new world; at least until rifts began appearing in its prison. Mijung is killed by one of the Snarl's remnants escaping the rift. Her husband, Soon Kim, a human paladin of Azure City, forms an adventuring party with Lirian, an elven druid, Serini, the halfling rogue, Kraagor, a dwarf barbarian, Girard Draketooth, a human sorcerer/ranger, and Dorukan, a human wizard. Becoming the Order of the Scribble, they sought to seal the five rifts to ensure the world could continue to exist, as the gods would have to destroy the world to rebuild a new prison. Kraagor, unfortunately, is slain by the Snarl in the process. Unable to agree on the Gates to seal the rifts, the Order falls apart from Kraagor's death years of resentment. With Serini's compromise, they agree to guard the Gate closest to their homeland, swearing not to interfere or interact with each other forever. Lirian returns to the rift in Western lands, Dorukan's to the Redmountain Hills, Girard's in the Great Barren Desert, Serini in the Dwarven Lands to honor Kraagor, and Soon in Azure City. He chooses a fighting force of paladins -- the Sapphire Guard -- to defend the Gate and sends them on crusades to eliminate potential enemies. Shojo finishes the story by reminding the Order of his status as commander, and it will be inherited by his nephew, Hinjo, upon his death. Presented with the knowledge, Celia and Mr. Jones start their arguments: Mr. Jones argues that Azure City's gods have ensured the Order to be arrested and tried by their own paladins. Celia, with Roy's confession, says that Dorukan's implementation of the self-destruct ruin was to ensure the world's safety even if the Gate was destroyed; a Gate could be rebuilt, but forces of Evil could use an existent Gate to conquer the world. The Being of Pure Law and Good clears the Order of all charges. Moments later, Miko and Belkar burst into the throne room. The Order defends Belkar; Roy states that a leader never abandons his teammates, and Shojo tells Miko to stand down. Miko promises vengeance upon the Order and departs. Allies and Other Obstacles Shojo requests an audience with Roy, revealing to be sane and intelligent and pretending to be senile to avoid the city's nobles. He explains that he needed to bring the Order to the city to seek out the other Gates, as Soon's oath prevents him from ordering his paladins to do so. Lirian's Gate had been destroyed several years ago. Unmoved, Roy accuses Shojo of being a liar, to which Shojo reveals the Being of Pure Law and Good had been a disguised Eugene. Eugene informs Roy that he was unable to communicate because his sword had been broken, so he reached a deal with Shojo to bring the Order down to Azure City. Roy believes it was out of gratitude, but Eugene angrily reveals that Xykon is still "alive," and Roy is to work for Shojo to defeat the lich. Enraged, Roy calls his father out on his selfishness, but accepts the mission for the sake of the world. Roy meets with the Order and destroys their contracts, much to their surprise, as he refuses to manipulate his teammates like the way his father or Shojo would. Nonetheless, the Order agrees to join him on his quest to defeat Xykon. In return for the job offer, Roy demands Shojo a favor for the Order -- Belkar is to be released from the prison with a restraining Greater Mark of Justice, Haley is to be cured from her cryptograms by Azure City clerics, Durkon can write home to dwarven lands to revoke his exile, V has access to Shojo's personal wizard's library, and Elan has a pass for one favor from Shojo. Roy uses his favor to reforge his sword. The Azure city smith informs him his sword is completely ordinary, but reforges it with an alloy of steel and starmetal with the side-effect of a green glow particularly harmful to undead. Upon its completion, Roy vows to defeat Xykon for once and for all. Team Evil mobilizes with a gigantic army of hobgoblins, ghouls, and zombified monsters. Redcloak presents three locations of the Gate -- Kraagor's, Girard's, and Soon's, and persuades Xykon to attack the latter. Xykon boards a zombified silver dragon and prepares for war. Locations * Dirt Farm * Ogre Camp * Small Town ** Small Inn ** Temple of Freya ** Barrbaryunz gild ** Fine Gnomish Armor Shop ** The Polearm Emporium ** Eve & Larry's Alchemy ** Discount Horses Shop * Wooden Forest ** Area of Hexagonal Grid ** Mount Parking * Bandit Camp ** Samantha's Tent ** Gallows * Dragon Lair ** Dome of Magical Darkness ** Damp Room ** Treasure Hoard Room * Rocky Valley ** Hobgoblin Fortress ** Hobgoblin City ** Warthog's School of Wizardry and Sorcery * Backup Tower ** Library * Weary Travellers Inn and Tavern ** Check-in ** Luxurious Inn Room ** Stables ** Janitor's Closet ** Safe Room * Cliffport ** Ice Cream Parlor ** Warthog's School of Wizardry and Sorcery * Azure City ** Inn ** Castle *** Throne Room *** Prison Block **** Anti-Magic Cells **** Solitary Cell Cast Order of the Stick * Roy Greenhilt * Elan * Haley Starshine * Durkon Thundershield * Vaarsuvius * Belkar Bitterleaf Team Evil * Xykon * Redcloak * The Monster in the Darkness * Demon Cockroaches Minions of Team Evil * Hobgoblins * Zombies * Ghouls * Flying Zombies * Zombie Dragon Linear Guild * Nale * Sabine * Thog * Pompey Sapphire Guard * Miko Miyazaki * Hinjo * Lord Shojo * Mr. Scruffy * Windstriker Bandit Clan of Wooden Forest * Samantha * Samantha's Father * Bandit Executioner * Junior Bandits * Bandits Crayons of Time * The Snarl Gods * Twelve Gods of the South * Gods of the West * Gods of the East Gods of the North * Thor * Odin * Loki Order of the Scribble * Dorukan * Soon Kim * Lirian * Girard Draketooth * Serini Toormuck * Kraagor Theater Snacks * Popcorn * Soda * Milk Dudes * Pizza * Nachos * Soy Latte Miscellaneous * Celia * Eugene Greenhilt * Julia Greenhilt * The Lawyers * Priest of Freya * Eve and Larry * Jiminy * Gnomish Armorsmith * Green Monsters * Bag of Tricks Animals * Banjo the Clown * Blackwing * Dirt Farmer * Dirt Farmers Wife * Ogre Chief * Ogres * Shadowdancer * Redaxe * Inn Staff * King of Somewhere * Young Adult Black Dragon * Annis (or Hag?) * Half-orc * Larry Gardener * Warthog Wizard * Azurite Prison Guard * Azurite Blacksmith Barrbaryunz gild * Gortok * Kuurkk the Anemic * Lokor the Chronically Insecure * Hak-Tonog the Moderately Incontinent Good Aligned Monsters * Guard Monster * Celestial * Lantern Archons * Silver DragonZombie Dragon (Bonus comics only) Mounts * Whisper * Silver * Elan's Horse * Durkon's Pony * 'Wiener Dog' Category:OOTS Books